Too old for this shit.

I felt the little fingers peck around, as they squeezed around my underwear. I was ready, I loved it. It had been a while and the thought of having even a little touch excited me immensely. I lay under his right side, and he prepped himself up so his weight wasn't squashing me. I wanted his hand to caress, so slowly while kissing his neck, so I slid my hand over his to instructed his fingers where to touch with my own. It was hot, he thought so, his mouth instantly watering, and kissing became more a forceful pressure. What had been teasing pecks like sprinkling rain, became lustrous competition. His mouth changed shape dramatically, from a small opening to a huge one, confusing the fuck out of me. He spread salvia not gently around my mouth, to a point where it might be more appropriate to say, saliva around the bottom half of my face. His tongue punched its way into my mouth with extreme puncture I didn't have time to welcome it, before the eel was hastily removed in a similar fashion. I kept optimism.
My life had always told me to stay optimistic, I went through a divorce when Jake was younger, lately my exhusband who immediately remarried, is broke. My son, recent direction, can't manage cents, and likes to "get loose", optimism told me, his life his choice. Now I am here. Following that note maybe optimism isn't the best spiritual philosophy.
I moved my hand closer to his fly and pulled on his jeans in my direction. He instantly stopped everything pulled my remaining  clothes, down my legs, to abandon them on my feet. His actions weren't romantic, it was rough and rushed jerking and tugging at buttons and zips that a gentle hand would have mastered. His mannerisms mimicked those in crisis. He was displaying his age, his inexperience. Since the first stimulation of this encounter, I second guessed my actions. I looked down at my chest, my legs, my feet. My shock was quickly swallowed. To remember that you're not what you used to be. That things have changed, aged. My internal reflection made to impact to his flickering eyes. I had seen that look before, a moments refocus on the task at hand, in his hand, his dick. After losing momentum caught in trivial actions the jeans were finally pushed down to his knees, both I admirable and despised. It showed over whelming want to have sex, and his expectation to leave immediately after. Finally able to abandon my guilty contemplation,  and relax in a free feeling. The feeling of having someone's phallus enter you, where biologically it is meant to go.  Entry was, and is always my favorite part of sex, when they slowly push through and you are wet and they are wet, and everything is too new and glorious to know if this is worth it or not yet. Once in, judgement of the male's performance begins. This guy's face dropped instantly, into an absent-minded face, the lips open in a relaxed circle shape. His eyes completely unfocused staring between my crown and my pillow. His body, contradicingly froze up. As if he was completely stumped on where to go next, or scared to move inchance of stirring a closure to the experience. I in opposition, I was almost awakened from my slumber. I pulled him in close to tug at one side, roll over I insisted. Not expecting a response, but expecteding compliance, I instead received inquiries. His back cocked up instantly, nervous. He pulled out so his head sat just at my entry point, teasing like food on hungary lips. Again I pulled him in, to force him around, he smile when realization was processed. I replied with tilting my hips forward and squeezing my lower torso muscles. Both of us loved every motion. I rotated around and squeezed and softened and... Just as impulsively as I started, he finished. Yanking himself free to let white liquid run on a patch of bedding. I had set myself up for the quick finish, I couldn't help but analyze why I didn't feel worse. I removed myself, rolling over the bed to land on my feet, then slowly walked to the shower. I wanted cleanliness, to remove that smell, his smell. It had been short, and if Jake finds out I will have hell to pay. But I didn't regret anything, for a short period of time, I had had something inside me that controls the world. So for all I cared, I controlled my world. Glancing back to see the remaining evidence, though was farewelled, by a new white filling the room, as he jacked my door open, squeeze through the opening, into freedom. We were now separate, we were both free.